


Knock Three Times

by Tifer14



Series: It Is What it Is 'til it Ain't [5]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3876631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tifer14/pseuds/Tifer14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So now that Beth is out of Aaron's life can there be a future with Spencer?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There were several requests for a conclusion to this series. I hope that you all like this.
> 
> There is a very small spoiler for a side story in Rock Creek Park (10x18)
> 
> I always own nothing because if I did own Criminal Minds I would stop all this throwing random women at Hotch and Reid!

Reid startled at the familiar three knocks on his door. It had been months. Months that he’d had to adapt to the discontinuation of any relationship beyond the professional with his boss. Immediately his mind went to there being some catastrophe that had occurred to the team and he rushed to the door. Flinging it open, he nearly wound up sprawled on the floor as Hotch fell inwards onto his subordinate. Apparently, he’d been leaning rather heavily on the door. Just in time, Reid managed to regain his balance though his knee let him know that he’d be feeling that move in the morning.

 

“Hotch, is everything ok? Are you ok?” Spencer righted the agent in charge who instantly swayed and reached for the wall to steady himself. “Are you drunk?” Spencer had seen Hotch drunk before, perhaps more than he should have done, but it still came as a surprise every time.

 

“Spencer,” the older man breathed and the fumes of alcohol wreathed through the air. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“You saw me at work yesterday,” Spencer pointed out and instantly armoured himself to a supplication for sex. No more. After Hotch had left the last time, Spencer had sworn that he wouldn’t let the other man into his bed again. He hadn’t. Of course, Hotch also hadn’t made any attempt so this would be the first foray against his resolution. Still, if he could give up dilaudid, he could give up Aaron Hotchner.

 

“No no no no no, I saw Reid. I never see Spencer anymore,” Hotch practically pouted and his eyes seemed to grow impossibly wide and lighten three shades of brown.

 

“Hotch, you need to go home. You didn’t drive here, did you?” Spencer suddenly worried.

 

“Pfft, of course not, I’m drunk,” Hotch pointed out emphatically and gestured to his chest with a sweeping hand.

 

“No kidding,” Spencer mumbled. “Sit down. I’ll call you another cab.” Spencer moved to get his mobile from the living room but his arm was suddenly caught in Hotch’s strong grasp.

 

“Wait, I came to talk to you,” Hotch argued, stumbling slightly.

 

“No. Hotch, just no. I’m not going to lie back and spread my legs for you. Go home. Go sleep this off. Go back to Beth,” Spencer concluded bitterly.

 

“But that’s why I’m here,” Hotch seized onto the last point, “She’s moving to Hong Kong. We broke up, Spencer.”

 

Spencer quickly stifled the wave of hope that practically choked him at those longed for words. He’d learned a lot over the years about disappointment and love. He’d watched Maeve die. He’d said goodbye to Emily, twice. He’d allowed Aaron Hotchner into his heart only to be thrust aside when things got tough. He’d never blame Hotch for pushing him away after Hayley’s death but he blamed him for letting someone new in before him. He damn well blamed him for walking in and out of Spencer’s life and Spencer’s bed as if it was his right. Enough was enough. He wasn’t going to be anyone’s reserve option.

 

“I’ll call you a cab,” Spencer just muttered and wrested his arm free of Hotch’s grip. He didn’t turn around but if he had, he would have seen the devastated look on Hotch’s face.

 

“But I choose you,” Hotch pleaded with the empty corridor before letting himself out and nearly falling down the stairs before managing to gain the sidewalk, sit down, and wait in the cold for his cab.

 

Upstairs Spencer rubbed furiously at his eyes with the balls of his hands to stifle any tears and forced himself not to run down to Hotch. No one’s second choice, he needed to remember that.


	2. Chapter 2

“Spencer!” Spencer couldn’t help but grin at Jack’s excited greeting when he picked up his phone.

 

“Hi Jack Jack! How was your science fair?” After seeing how much Jack missed Spencer, Hotch had arranged visits between the two over the years. Spencer had enjoyed his relationship with the boy but it had been awkward with Hotch. Mostly, Hotch would bring Jack to Reid’s or the two would meet at a museum or special exhibition. Spencer’s contact with his former lover had been limited, despite Jack’s best attempts. However, there had been a couple of times when Spencer had seen Beth in the car and that had been painful. Horribly painful.

 

“I came second. Theo won and he built a volcano,” Spencer could hear the eye-roll in Jack’s voice, probably due to the fact that they had built a volcano together when Jack had been five years old so it was clearly a science project for babies.

 

“Well, I’m sure your demonstration of the scientific method was far superior,” Spencer reassured the boy with a smile. “And your book report?”

 

“A+”

 

Spencer swelled with fatherly pride, “that’s fantastic, Jack. I’m so proud of you.”

 

“I started reading _The Subtle Knife_ now. Will is so cool.”

 

“Well, when you’re older we’ll read _Paradise Lost_ together and discuss Pullman’s use of it in his trilogy.”

 

“Ok, Spence,” Jack would agree to anything Spencer suggested to read. “So guess what?”

 

“I have no idea,” Spencer assured him and heard Morgan snort over at his desk. Spencer rolled his eyes at his friend who just grinned.

 

“Dad’s taking me to Disneyland!”

 

“Wow, Jack, that’s awesome.” Trust Aaron to find a new pleasantly distracting way to tell Jack about his breakup. Spencer knew that it had been a father-son camping trip to inform him about Spencer.

 

“You should come.”

 

“I bet your Dad wants time just the two of you.”

 

“Oh,” Jack said quietly. Then once again, “Oh.” Shit Shit Shit, Spencer thought to himself. He’d just given it all away. Of course, Jack would connect the two trips as Spencer had. He was a frighteningly perceptive child at times. “That’s cool,” was the rather surprising conclusion to the conversation. Spencer knew that Jack had warmed to Beth but apparently her loss would not be devastating. “I’ll call you when I’m back and tell you all about it. Bye, Spence.”

 

“Bye, Jack Jack.” Spencer hung up his phone and stared at it for a little while. On the camping trip, Jack had cried and demanded to be taken home. He’d insisted on seeing Spencer, which had resulted in a frazzled looking Aaron turning up at Spencer’s door at three in the morning with an overtired child who launched himself at his ex and clung on desperately. Spencer had invited them in, allowed Aaron to see the mess that his apartment had become, allowed him to see Spencer’s tear-swollen eyes and held Jack until he calmed down, assuring the boy that he would continue to be part of his life all the while glaring daggers at the father. It had taken a long time before Hotch had allowed him to fulfil that promise but eventually he had relented. It seemed unlikely that there would be a repeat performance at Disneyland but Spencer had the sinking feeling that Jack would be planning something new on his seemingly never-ending quest to reunite Spencer with his father.

 

“Alright there, Pretty Boy?” Morgan asked concernedly.

 

“Yeah, fine. That was Jack. Got an A+ on his book report,” Spencer informed him with a grin.

 

“That’s great,” Morgan assured him, returning the smile but something faltered in his face. Apparently he wasn’t entirely convinced by Spencer’s deflections, damn profilers, but he let it drop for now. “So,” he stretched back in his chair, “how does it feel to not know something.”

 

“That’s not what I said. I said ‘I have no idea’”

 

“Same difference. You still admitted to not knowing something.”

 

“There’s plenty I don’t know, Morgan,” Spencer retorted.

 

“Yeah, like what?”

 

“Like how it can take you so long to finish one report.” Callaghan giggled from her desk and even Morgan broke a smile. Reid risked a glance up at Hotch’s office and saw the older man on the phone, undoubtedly with Jack from the way he was smiling. He looked down and caught Spencer’s eye continuing to smile warmly until the young man felt dangerously close to believing that he was smiling at him.


	3. Chapter 3

Once again, three knocks sounded at Spencer’s door and he put his book down with a weary sigh. Opening the door more cautiously this time, he saw Hotch leaning against the doorframe but at least he seemed steady when he straightened up.

 

“May I come in, please?” Hotch asked wearily, his hands shoved in his pockets and his gaze directed at the floor.

 

Spencer nodded resignedly and turned to the living room. “Would you like something to drink? Coffee?”

 

“Just a glass of water, please,” Hotch perched on the sofa and looked at the book Spencer had discarded: _Paradise Lost_. He snorted, “you know, Jack mentioned to me that you were going to read this together,” he held up the book as Reid returned to the room with two glasses of water, setting one on the coffee table in front of Hotch before retreating to the armchair. “I think you’ve got a few years before he’ll be ready.”

 

Spencer shrugged, “I haven’t read it in over a decade but it’s like an old friend. Familiar but still changing with me and always allowing me to discover something new about him and about myself.” Both men were silent and Spencer instantly regretted his words. He was giving Hotch an opening, something that he had promised himself that he would not do. He sighed heavily when it became clear that the older man wasn’t going to say anything. “Why are you here, Hotch?”

 

Hotch flinched slightly at the use of his nickname but took a sip of water and settled himself. “I took Jack to Disneyland to tell him about—“ Hotch paused, “about Beth,” he completed in a near whisper, unwilling to vocalise her name in front of Spencer and cause him more pain. “He didn’t seem too surprised to hear that we were breaking up.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry. We spoke on the phone and I may have tipped him off. He really is too good at making connections.”

 

“No, that’s fine. Really, we had a great time. He took it very well,” both men shifted at the remembrance of the camping trip.

 

“Good. That’s good.” Spencer looked at his glass, rolling it between his palms.

 

“I told Rossi as well. Um, he decided that I need to go out, you know; get back on the horse or something like that. He got me to be his wingman at a jazz bar tonight. I met at really nice lady called Audrey—“

 

“Enough Hotch. I don’t need to know this,” Spencer stood swiftly, angrily, slamming his glass down on a bookcase.

 

“No. I don’t. I didn’t. I’m doing this all wrong,” Hotch scrubbed his hands over his face and released a shattered sounding breath. “Please,” he continued from behind his palms. “Just hear me out, please.” He looked up at Spencer with those impossibly wide eyes and Spencer’s felt all his resolution fading away. There was no way the face that could produce the Hotchner death glare should be able to pull out puppy eyes to rival his own but Hotch could and he did to fatal effect.

 

“Fine,” Spencer snapped and flung himself back into his chair.

 

“Ok. Spencer, I’m sorry.” Hotch paused, took a deep breath and focused his eyes on Spencer. “I’m sorry I pushed you away after Hayley’s death. Nothing that happened was your fault and you only wanted to support me. I can blame my grief but the fact is that I was scared and punished you because I felt weak. I’m sorry that I took Jack away from you for any length of time. You are a wonderful parental figure and he adores you. Again, I was being selfish and not doing what was right for either of you. I’m sorry that while I was dating Beth I used you. There is no excuse for that. No excuse at all. I’m sorry for all the times I told you I still loved you and ran away because I’m a coward and wasn’t able to realise that what was best for Jack wasn’t a traditional family but a loving family. But I love you, Spencer, I have done for years and I realise now that I always will do. I realised that in the bar tonight, when she asked me what date I’d take her on, that I was imagining walking around those gardens with you.”

 

Spencer dropped his gaze, examining his carpet with rapt attention. Eventually he shuddered and raked a hand through his hair. “Aaron, I don’t know what you want. I accept your apology. I’ve forgiven you for a lot of what you did. You’re a good man. You’re a wonderful father but you’re terrible at communicating in a relationship.”

 

“I want another chance. I want us to be together again as a family,” Hotch eyes shone with unshed tears.

 

Spencer slowly shook his head, “I’m sorry, Aaron. I can’t. I just can’t risk it again. I think you should go now.”

 

Aaron rose slowly, feeling each of his muscles, of his bones, ache with the added weight of Spencer’s resolution. “I understand,” he muttered and turned to leave the flat. The door closed with an ominous sounding click.

 

“I knew you would,” Spencer spoke to the empty flat, staring at the carpet and forcing himself not to think.


	4. Chapter 4

The house looked dark as Spencer pulled into the driveway but he knew Hotch wouldn’t be asleep at this time. He’d be filing, or reorganizing, or putting up shelves, anything to keep his mind off the fact that Jack wasn’t in the house and, therefore, he was possibly not safe. Jack was at a sleepover with three friends at Michael’s house. Michael’s dad worked with Will and was a damn fine officer, not that Aaron had checked both with Will and had Penelope run a background check, of course.

 

Spencer hesitated once he reached the door but he knocked firmly and waited for the tell-tale scrape of the chains. Hotch answered the door in a faded t-shirt that was speckled with paint, as was his hair and his bare feet. “Sp—Reid, um, is everything ok?”

 

“Yes, I, um, may I come in?” Hotch gestured for him to enter with the paint roller that was still in his hand.

 

“I was painting the downstairs bathroom,” Hotch needlessly explained.

 

“I know. Jack’s at a sleepover,” Spencer shifted as Hotch blushed before wandering away to wash his hands.

 

Spencer followed him into the kitchen and watched his precise movements, cleaning his hands like a surgeon. He was clearly stalling for time. “Would you like a coffee?” It was after eleven at night. Hotch would drink decaf if he drank any at all but Spencer nodded eagerly and perched on a stool at the breakfast bar. The silence between them as Hotch made the coffee was just the wrong side of uncomfortable, aware as they were of the history in this house but also of the ambiguity of their current relationship. Finally, Hotch placed a mug in front of Spencer and the young man latched onto it, eager for something to occupy his hands. Hotch plucked a beer from the fridge for himself.

 

“Why are you here, Reid?” he asked after drinking half the beer and worrying the label with his thumbnail, everything reverberated with echoes of their last meeting and it made Spencer feel nauseous.

 

“I, um, I had a date today. My first once since Maeve. Not including our,” Reid ran his fingers through his hair and just gestured between the two of them. What was the word for an ex showing up for sex whenever he pleased? Reid was sure Morgan called it a booty call or something equally inane that most definitely didn’t sum up the pain he felt when Hotch left. Hotch winced but didn’t look up from his beer as he replied with forced encouragement.

 

“That’s good.”

 

“Yeah, she seems really nice. I met her on that stakeout, you remember, the one with the Russian mob and the politician’s wife.”

 

“Oh,” Hotch seemed to have found something deeply fascinating under the label of the bottle, which he was peeling away with all the care of an archaeologist. Reid huffed out an exasperated sigh, which made Hotch look up sharply. “What do you want, Spencer? Do you want to hear that I’m jealous? I am. I’m really fucking jealous but I also recognise that I have no right to be. Did you just come over to rub it in my face that now I can’t have you?”

 

Reid looked shocked, “No, of course not, Aaron,” he tone turned cutting, “that’s not something _I_ would do.” The implications were clear and Hotch’s lip curled.

 

“I apologised. You accepted my apology, didn’t you?”

 

Reid sighed again, placing his empty cup on the corner. “Yes, I did. Look, it was a mistake coming here. This, it just, god we can’t seem to even talk to each other anymore.”

 

“I know. I don’t know why.”

 

“Too much history, I suppose.” Reid rose, shifting his bag and heading for the door. Hotch caught up with him in the hallway.

 

“Wait, Spencer, you had a reason for coming here tonight. What was it?” Hotch looked impossibly younger in his pain-splattered clothes, he looked like the man Spencer had fallen in love with all those years ago, before Foyet, before Maeve, before Beth.

 

“She said I was a really nice guy but clearly still hung up on my ex.”

 

“Maeve,” Hotch breathed and slumped further.

 

Spencer just stared at him. Seriously? He’d have to spell it out? “No, I didn’t mention Maeve. Even I’m socially aware enough to realise that mentioning that your last girlfriend was murdered in front of you, because of you, is not great first date conversation.” He winced as he realised how aptly that applied to Hotch as well.

 

The older man smiled ruefully, “Yeah, Hayley was definitely a fifth date conversation.” Of all the times for Hotch’s dry humour to make an appearance, this was not one that Spencer would have expected and it startled a laugh out of him.

 

With a trace of a smile still curling his lips, “I talked about you,” he replied and let that hang heavily, suspended in the air between them.

 

“Oh,” Hotch whispered and seemed to make an aborted step towards Spencer. Spencer completed his step until he was practically nose to nose with the man in front of him.

 

“This doesn’t make everything ok,” he whispered, his lips almost brushing Aaron’s.

 

“No,” Aaron replied, leaning in ever so slightly so that their lips met.

 

“There’s a lot we’ll need to work on,” Spencer continued, but his hands had already found Hotch’s hips, pulling the older man towards him and Hotch fisted one hand in his hair.

 

“We’ll make it work,” Aaron promised, before pulling him into a heated kiss.


End file.
